Ambiguous Grief and Memory Loss: What Families Should Know
Coping with cognitive decline in seniors is difficult enough when only looking at its physical aspects. They can be in constant danger of wandering off or falling.
A memory care community addresses this physical danger. Edwardsville is one of the best locations to choose, thanks to its proximity to renowned healthcare and a natural environment that also offers access to larger amenities.
What about the emotional aspect? What can you do when your loved one is in a safe community, yet it feels as if you've lost them forever?
Read on to learn about ambiguous grief and how to navigate the process.
What Is Ambiguous Grief?
University of Minnesota professor Pauline Boss coined the term ambiguous grief. It refers to losses that lack a sense of permanence or closure.
There are two types, including physical and psychological.
Physical
Physical ambiguous grief occurs when a loved one is physically absent but psychologically present. They're on your mind, but you have no idea where they are or if they are alive or dead.
Examples include:
- Incarceration
- Military deployment
- Missing persons cases
Psychological
Psychological ambiguous grief occurs when the loved one is physically present but psychologically absent.
This grief can be caused by anything that takes away a family member's ability to think rationally. This could be due to obsession or addiction.
It's also one of the most common types of grief in memory care. When you mourn a family member with dementia or other forms of mental decline, you mourn who they used to be and the relationships you used to have.
A unique experience can also be present in the early stages of mental decline. It may be possible for them to recognize how they're changing. They, along with their loved ones, grieve the person they once were and the life they could have had.
Recognizing the Symptoms and Signs
Ambiguous grief can be difficult to identify, but there are signs. They may include:
- Depression
- Anxiety
- Hopelessness
- Emotional numbness
- Confusion of identity or role
Everyone grieves differently, and this is far from an exhaustive list. If you think you may be struggling with ambiguous grief, ask yourself two questions.
Does my loved one feel physically or psychologically different from the way they once were, and do I miss the way they used to be? If both answers are yes, you may be grieving that past self.
Coping with Ambiguous Grief
"Grief is the price we pay for love." Not having closure makes the process of coping with ambiguous grief one of the most difficult of all.
There are ways to get a head start. Name your feelings without distorted thoughts clogging your mind. Redefine your role in your family. Take care of yourself and join support groups of others going through the same difficult experiences.
Name the Grief
Identify your losses: the life you envisioned, your safety and security, or your independence.
Label your emotions and accept all of them as valid. There is no wrong way to feel about the way your life and your loved ones are changing. Accepting that prevents any shame from taking over and making you feel even worse.
These steps can offer a small sense of closure, which is often elusive in situations of ambiguous grief. If you can put a name to everything you're dealing with, it's easier to cope with.
Avoid Dichotomous Thinking
The world is complex, and it often uses cognitive distortions to make it easier to understand. One is known as dichotomous or black-and-white thinking. This mental shortcut assumes that there can only be two extremes with no in-betweens.
It can crop up when coping with ambiguous grief, but it only makes the pain worse. Replace it with thinking that allows for two seemingly opposite statements to be true.
Your loved one with cognitive decline can be present and also not. You can be your mother's child and her caregiver. Fight against your brain and accept these facts as true until they start to seem natural and less painful.
Redefine Relationships
Dementia and grief can force you to restructure your entire identity. It forces you to ask who you are in the family and where you belong now. Are you a caregiver now instead of only a spouse? How can each member of the family help?
After the new roles are established, find a way to retain and strengthen existing family relationships. Social interaction is essential to senior mental health.
Continue to visit your loved one with dementia in a memory care community. One benefit of ambiguous grief is that you can still be physically present with your loved one, even if it hurts.
Practice Self-Compassion
Grief can act like a disease that chips away at your body and mind. Fighting it requires a focus on nurturing physical and emotional health.
This applies to both seniors and their caregivers, who should eat well and exercise. It's also essential to get moments of alone time to relax and recharge.
Join Support Groups
Grief support groups offer invaluable emotional support for families. Few thoughts are as reassuring as knowing you're not the only one going through ambiguous grief.
These groups provide a safe space to air your feelings and talk about all of your experiences. The other members can teach you practical coping strategies you may not have known about. You may even gain friends for life.
Find a Memory Care Community To Support You Through Ambiguous Grief
Ambiguous grief is a term for grief over a loved one who is alive but physically or psychologically distant from you. It's particularly common among loved ones of memory care residents suffering from dementia.
Addington Place of Edwardsville provides a compassionate memory care community in Edwardsville, IL. We offer resident-focused services to help them thrive. We also reduce stress and at-home obligations so the entire family can enjoy their time together peacefully.
The pricing for these accommodations is all-inclusive. You'll never have to pay any hidden fees. Contact us to schedule a tour of our community today.